conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I AM VODKA MAN
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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