His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
