Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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