I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
