the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
