I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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