Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
