guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Houston, we have a blender
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
