She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
