i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
