I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
