whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
