Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
