She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
