Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
