I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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