im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
