You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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