Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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