the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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