Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize