you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
