You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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