$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
