i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
