Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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