worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
