just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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