Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
