just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
pray to the hookup gods
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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