I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
