Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
