If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
