Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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