He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
