I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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