I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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