do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
