We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
