Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Panties = found
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
