I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
