is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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