I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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