I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
