you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
