Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize