Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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