I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
