this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
