Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
