He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
