i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
