This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
