My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
