I want to have your abortion
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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