She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
