i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
