Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
