think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
