So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
