I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
