If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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