I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize