After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
