I've blown a few things in my day
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
