those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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