The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
