I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
