I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
