If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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