Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
