You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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