you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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