Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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