Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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