That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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