Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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