Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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